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  • Dora Nudelman

Resisting Change

We say that we want change in our lives, but how often are we really willing to do what is necessary to make that happen? We say that we want to be in a loving relationship, yet we stay in an unhealthy one out of fear of being alone. We say that we want to be healthier and more fit, yet we keep enacting habits that contradict that very goal. We say that we want to be successful, yet we fear taking risks and, subsequently, only dream about our success instead of actually achieving it. But if we are truly serious about making changes in our lives, we will eventually need to stop resisting the steps it will take us to do that.

I guess it all comes down to the strength of our desire, because if we really wanted it, our desire would trump our fear every time. The truth is, we say that we want certain things, but are we really ready to embrace the effort it will take to make those things happen? Or are we secretly happy in our comfort zone where we can dream about our potential without actually having to do anything to achieve it?

And so, if we are resistant to change, perhaps it is because we are more in love with the idea of who, what, and where we want to be, rather than actually becoming it. Or, maybe we think that we need to change in order to fit in with certain social norms or gain approval from others. Further still, perhaps we do, in fact, want to change but we get so overwhelmed by the grandeur of our ultimate goals that we don't even bother trying to start.

The thing is, if we look at our big picture goals, yes, they may seem daunting to us at first, especially when we are unsure of how we are going to achieve them. However, when we make smaller goals along the way, all of the sudden what we want doesn't seem so impossible anymore. For instance, if you want to lose weight, don't make your goal to be a size 6. Just set a goal to drop maybe one size from where you are right now. Or better yet, focus on how you want to feel and then make your goal about having more energy and feeling good about yourself. Nothing here is about being unforgiving; it's simply about knowing where to apply moderation and where to push yourself a little bit beyond your comfort zone.

Or perhaps you have a desire to be your own boss one day but fear losing the security of your 9-5. Of course if people are relying on you and you need to pay your bills, taking a risk like quitting your job and starting your own business is going to seem like a long-shot. But if it is really something you crave from the deepest part of your soul, you will eventually find the resources you need if you look for them. Now, that doesn't mean that you must change everything in your life right away. Rather, it's about making smaller steps that later lead to bigger ones. But the point is, if you want to make a change, you have to start with something. So maybe it's researching a business name, perhaps it's calling a business development bank to see if you qualify for a loan, maybe it's networking to find partners or affiliates that might be able to help you out. Being open to change does not necessarily mean making drastic changes. All it means is leaving yourself open to ideas by not resisting them through fear and doubt about your capabilities.

Ask yourself this: Are you are chasing after an ideal or are you, in fact, chasing after your passion? If you are chasing after something you don't actually want for yourself, then you will be spinning your wheels forever because procrastination will set in due to your lack of passion to do something about it. But if you do truly have a legitimate desire to change something in your life for the better, leaving your comfort zone is likely the only way you will begin the journey to fulfill that desire. You see, all of us feel safe in the “some day” zone, but we cannot stay there without eventually feeling unfulfilled. Perhaps, then, honesty is the key, in that we need to ask ourselves how badly we really want to change versus how comfortable we are with everything staying the same.

Yes, sometimes change means giving something up, and that can feel uncomfortable, especially if we have grown accustomed to the way things are right now, healthy or not. But usually that which we are giving up is simply the baggage that has been holding us back (as harsh as that might sound). So do not worry because what is important to you will not go away just because you want to make a change. That which is good for you will remain in your life in one way or another. So, let’s release the resistance to change and, instead, embrace it with open arms and a willingness to see our potential through to fruition. That way we will at least know that we are on our way to where we truly want to be.


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