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  • Dora Nudelman

Making Excuses

Have you ever noticed patterns repeating in your life that you just didn’t understand? Perhaps you’ve been attracting the same types of people or experiencing the same types of situations. Well, this is no coincidence. The fact of the matter is, we all manifest circumstances based on the energy we put out.

Consequently, when we make excuses for why things aren’t working out in our lives or why others are “making” us feel bad, we take our own power away to affect positive change. Eventually, however, we are going to have to admit that it cannot always be about “the other guy.” Eventually we will need to realize that what we get is largely due to who we are and what we choose to believe.

To admit responsibility is not easy because many of us equate doing so with failure. And failure makes us feel inadequate, which only leads us to want to hide from the truth even more. But the more we deny the cause and effect principle that governs this universe, the longer it will take for negative patterns to leave our lives.

Excuses only lead us to self-sabotage as well as manifesting circumstances that keep us even more stuck. That’s because making excuses leads to stagnant energy that simply has nowhere to go. For instance, if your relationships keep failing, if your work keeps suffering, if your health keeps challenging you, or if you keep attracting conflict after conflict, all of these things are telling you something important about yourself. But are you willing to listen?

The important thing to know is that you are not “less than” for making mistakes or for subscribing to faulty beliefs. You are simply on a learning journey like everybody else. But in order to learn and expand you must start looking within because the more you point your finger at others, the more fingers point back at you.

It’s true, sometimes it’s not that easy to spot the cause of our issues. Like, for instance, just because we attract selfish people doesn’t necessarily mean that we are selfish ourselves. It is not always an “eye for an eye” type of deal. Instead, it could be that we lack boundaries or that we have a hard time letting go of people who are not good for us. But these are things we can only figure out if we are truly willing to do the inner work.

Sometimes our excuses can manifest themselves as physical conditions too that can exhibit signs of our inflexibility or unwillingness to change. It could also be that we are holding in emotions that are not serving us well. Moreover, sometimes our excuses can manifest as failures in our lives due to our belief in that inevitability. And we might not even notice any of this until we start looking within. We can always find people and circumstances to blame, but I don’t think that will ultimately help us change anything for the better.

Yes, making excuses can feel gratifying as it feels so good to absolve ourselves from responsibility. But this is also extremely dis-empowering because it puts us into a victim mode from which no progress can come. It also makes us angry and bitter, which only propels us even further down the rabbit hole.

The funny thing is, it is often easier to pinpoint how others’ excuses are holding them back, but much harder to notice it when it is happening with ourselves. We are all such great advice-givers when it’s not about us, yet when the tables are turned, all of the sudden it is never our “fault.” The reason for this is that our egos do not want to admit being “wrong,” yet this lack of accountability is what ultimately keeps us stuck. So if we really want to experience positive change, and stop repeating negative patterns, we will need to start asking ourselves questions like, “What do I really believe?” and “What patterns are showing up for me that I want to change but have not been willing to look at?”

The truth is, everybody can’t always be wrong. If people keep telling us or showing us the same thing over and over, can it really be about them? It takes two to tango. So while other people and circumstances may play a role, they are only actors in the play that we have created. But if we create a new script the feature will change too. When we stop reacting and start enacting, that is when we become conscious creators of our own destiny.

Furthermore, we can start to think about what these situations in our lives are excusing us from doing. Maybe without realizing it we are keeping ourselves in this place because of our fear of change. Maybe we are afraid to move forward so we manifest a situation and use it as an excuse to keep us stuck (and “safe”), even if we say we want to move on. The world is our mirror so what we believe, do, feel, say, think, and truly want will in some way reflect back to us, and it will do so through the characters we invite into our lives.

Look, we all do this and we’ve all done this. I’ve done it too. But the key to changing what we get in life is to get ahead of it and manifest through mindfulness rather than reaction. It may not feel as pleasant at first, but it feels oh so freeing once you realize how in control you really are. The truth is, admitting that something needs to change is the first step to making that happen, for without admission all you have is denial and the same old same old that keeps you stuck and running in circles.

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