• Dora Nudelman

Give Yourself the Approval You Seek


If you are human, chances are you enjoy a nice pat on the back once in a while. It’s natural to want to receive appreciation and praise as it lets us know that we are doing a good job. But what happens if we don’t always get those accolades? Does that mean we are no longer good enough?

We need to learn to be proud of ourselves instead of waiting for the world to acknowledge us. We need to look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “Good job!” Receiving praise and validation from others certainly feels nice, but we must be careful not to become addicted to it or base our entire worth on the opinions of others.

I have to say, it’s incredibly freeing not to care so much about what others think of you. It gives you the freedom to totally and completely be yourself. And when you are confident in who you are, external validation seems much less important.

So be accountable to yourself. Be kind to yourself. And give yourself what you seek to receive from others. Be willing to step into your truth regardless of what anyone else thinks. Praise yourself for a job well done! Reward yourself just because. And share what you have on offer with others without the confines of needing their approval.

If you think about it, seeking approval is really a conditioned part of everyone’s life. We start out desperately wanting to please our parents, seeking their approval for each of our milestones as we grow. We then desire to please our teachers, waiting to receive that gold star validating our importance. Further still, we seek to fit in with our peers and colleagues. We want to please our bosses, spouses, kids, and, nowadays, the whole world through our social media posts. But when do we simply focus on pleasing ourselves? Why can’t our own approval just be enough?

Here’s the gist of it. If we are ever to truly break free of validation addiction we are going to have to start loving ourselves more. We need to be encouraging and forgiving of ourselves, whether or not we receive that same support from others. And we need to start giving ourselves that which we seek to receive. Then we can be thankful when we do get outside validation, yet still unattached from using that validation to determine our inherent value.


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