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  • Dora Nudelman

Trust Issues

Do you ever shut yourself off from love for fear of being rejected? Do you ever push people away for fear of getting hurt? Many of us have been hurt or disappointed by others and, as a result, have built barriers and walls that cause us to engage in defensive behavior without true justification.

It's easy to use our past experiences as reasons and justifications for not to trust anyone today, but is that really serving us best? How do we let go of our trust issues so that we can feel free to express ourselves, and our love, as we want rather than repressing or denying it?

The first thing we can do is to let go of the past. Sure, it might serve us eventually to figure out the root cause of our trust issues but, in reality, the best thing we can do to move on is to simply move on. What I would suggest at first is to accept that you might get hurt. When we fear being hurt we are resistant to it, and when we feel resistant we end up creating circumstances for ourselves that mirror our insecurities. Thus, we attract people and situations that "prove" our suspicions right, which then perpetuates our mistrust even more.

Instead, when we let go of the fear of being hurt we can then go forth taking authentic action regardless of the outcome. What are you afraid of really? What if you do get rejected? So your ego will be bruised a little, but if you know your inherent worth you will come out of it just fine. So what if your feelings do get hurt? You're strong enough to take it. You might feel sad or mad for a minute but at the end of the day you know you can handle it. And judging from past experiences, you will eventually bounce back anyway.

But what if you do give love without limits and without expectations? Then even if it is rejected at least you will know that you did everything possible on your end. And honestly, giving love cannot ultimately be a bad thing. The world could actually use more of it. Spreading love without expectations or agendas is actually a very giving thing to do. I'm not saying to be naive or to allow yourself to be taken advantage of; of course always have healthy boundaries. What I am saying is, don't be so afraid to express your authentic love for people and don't regret it either. Be true to how you feel and let people know that. If you give love freely it will come back to you in one way or another.

Now if someone is rejecting you, sure, there might be a reason for it that has something to do with you. But, that doesn't mean you must take on all the blame. Sometimes people are simply not compatible. Sometimes people grow apart. And sometimes relationships are lopsided. But if you accept that giving love is something that comes from your heart and that it is also something to give freely without fear, then you will have nothing to fear and therefore no longer have trust issues.

It is natural for us to want to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable but, more often than not, we are really protecting our egos. For example, I used to put up walls all the time and push people away before they had a chance to hurt me. Why? Because I had given my all many times before only to be taken for granted, taken advantage of, or disrespected. But the more I mistrusted people the more they gave me reason to do so. Sometimes I even projected my fears onto people, even though they didn't really deserve it. But one day I realized that being giving and loving and considerate is simply who I am by nature, and that's a good thing. If others didn't appreciate that it was not my problem. I realized that I expected others to treat me in the same way I treated them, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, it did bring to my attention that I had expectations attached to my giving. So when those expectations were not met I felt hurt and disappointed. But when I chose to give from my heart when I wanted to, when I gave because it felt good to my soul, I no longer worried about how it would be received or what I would get in return. It was such a freeing experience for me because I no longer feared rejection, judgment, or disappointment.

When people choose not to be respectful (whether it's relating to romantic relationships, business arrangement, or friendship, etc.) they are creating their own karma, not yours. You create your own karma based on what you choose to do. Know that your good intentions and good vibes will ultimately bring you good experiences. This is already evident by how good you feel when you engage in giving and spreading love in the first place.

When we live in fear and are always waiting for the other shoe to drop we have to remember that when we do this we are living in a hypothetical "reality." These are not things that have actually happened specific to the situation or person at hand but rather projections of our past experiences or our insecurities that we are imposing onto those situations or people that are in front of us now. So say there is a 50/50 chance that you are right and that people are not to be trusted, by believing in the negative side it actually increases the odds that you will attract that negative side. But in reality it can go either way. But the more aligned you are with either side, the more you will attract those possibilities. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But what if you remain neutral? What if you don't believe in positive or negative outcomes and just give love because it feels good to you? Then you will be open and without expectations, which releases any resistance to whatever you actually want to manifest. Then you will be able to open yourself up to others (with healthy boundaries) and give them the benefit of the doubt without projecting your fears. Always trust your intuition, yes. But also be mindful of when it's your intuition talking to you versus fear and doubt. The world mirrors our beliefs so if we want to attract people whom we can trust we need to be more open with how we love and more positive, or at least neutral, regarding our expectations.

When we have trust issues, whether it pertains to our personal lives or in business, we need to always use our intuition first and foremost and not ignore red flags when we see them. At the same time, however, we need to check in with ourselves to make sure that we are not inadvertently projecting our fears, insecurities, or past experiences onto the present situation. When we give consciously and with intention, when we release expectations, when we uphold healthy boundaries, and when we give from the heart we will always come up a winner, regardless of the outcome.

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